Let’s face it, with kids, the dreaded “Q” word is going to come up. As parents, it can be hard to know what to do when you child wants to quit karate — or really any other activity. On the one hand, we can’t fight every battle with our kids; on the other, we know we put them in karate not just as an activity, but because of the self-protection skills and the values like confidence, focus, and discipline that karate instills.
For us here at Edge Martial Arts, one of the core values that we hope our students all develop is a non-quitting spirit. Meaning, when faced with adversity, they have the ability to push through — knowing that they’re strong enough and capable enough to get past the obstacle in front of them.
Sadly, we’ve become a culture too inclined toward providing kids with the path of least resistance — wanting to spare kids hardship, the adults in their lives too often try to solve their problems for them, or simply allow them to walk away from the problem altogether.
However, we all know that as they get older, there are going to be problems they’ll face that they’ll have to solve themselves, and that means equipping them with tools like resilience, resolve, and discipline now while they’re young.
The alternative — letting them quit when things are hard or frustrating — only equips them with one strategy for future problems: more quitting.
Did you know that the Japanese word Sensei (teacher) actually means “one who came before” — as in someone who walked the path you’d like to walk, and can offer guidance on what to expect and how to navigate the journey?
In that way, a sensei is a lot like a parent — we’re all here to help your child navigate the world in front of them, guide them toward the best decisions possible, help them process through failure and setbacks, and ultimately become the person we hope they’ll grow up to be.
Our job as guides for young people is, in fact, to occasionally make them do things they don’t want to do — eat their vegetables, do their homework, take medicine when they’re sick, and yes, do things that are challenging and difficult to build the discipline, resilience, and resolve we know they’re going to need as they get older … because we’re farther down this path than they are, and we know some of the obstacles that life is going to put in their way.
If you believe in the value of what karate offers for kids, then don’t let quitting become part of the conversation — otherwise “quitting” becomes the only skill they’ll take away from the experience.
No one who’s ever earned a black belt has ever done it without wanting to quit a couple times along the way. Learning to push through those moments and come out the other side is key — and we are here to help. Please let us know if your child is losing motivation or feeling discouraged, and we’re more than happy to discuss with you (and them) some ways to keep moving forward!
Here are two quick tips to try:
- Never let your child quit after a hard day. Imagine your child comes home after a tough class and says “I hate karate! It’s too hard. I don’t want to do this anymore!” Try telling them this: “Okay, you can quit. But not today.” Then explain, “We all have bad days when we want to quit. When something feels hard, our brain and body resist because they want us to be comfortable. But if we quit on a bad day, we will never become great at something and we might regret this later.” Finally, set clear parameters: “So here’s the deal. You can quit on a good day. When you have a successful day and you still want to quit, let’s talk.”
- This approach normalizes struggle (which builds resilience).
- It also honors your child’s choice if they want to try something else.
- Especially if your child tends to give up easily when things get hard, help them adopt the mantra “Never quit on a bad day.”
- (P.S. We took this advice from Olympic Gold Medalist Nastia Liukin; it’s helpful for kids to know that even the best in the world want to quit sometimes, and have to work past those frustrations to achieve their goals!)
- Change up the routine before and after karate. For a lot of kids, transitions are the hardest parts of the day. Especially if they’re enjoying some downtime or unstructured play time at home, transitioning to a structured activity can feel like an unwanted interruption, and get things off on the wrong foot!
- Before getting ready for class, try setting them up on the Spark App for 5-10 minutes. Practicing with our instructional videos is a great way to feel prepared and confident heading to class, plus it creates the opportunity for them to go to class to receive positive feedback on the practice they’ve been doing! “Let’s practice at home for a few minutes, and then go show Sensei what you’ve been working on!” can be a great way to turn a transition into an exciting opportunity. If you’re not already set up, you can find the Spark App information here: www.edge-ma.com/digital-dojo
- Another option before class can be to do some homework or complete a chore, so that the transition to getting ready for karate feels like an upgrade (e.g. more fun) rather than a downgrade (less fun) than what they’ve been doing.
- After class, it can be a great idea to set a small ritual together that feels like a reward. What the ritual is doesn’t matter; the important thing is the opportunity for you as a parent to hear all about how class went, and for your child to get to share it with you. If they had a good class, this check-in helps them feel proud of their hard work; if they struggled, it can be a huge help for your child for you to help them contextualize those feelings, help them set goals to have a better class the following week, or even be able to check in with your child’s instructor if there’s a larger concern. Most importantly, quality time together ensures your child knows that you care about their progress in karate and are invested in their success!
